About an hour ago, it was exactly one week from when we lost our little girl. The week was just short of being, well, the only way I can explain it is that it felt like there was this huge vortex. Anything that meant anything just slightly went off kilter. At times I felt that I was floating over my own body watching everything that was going on but having no control over any of it. It was all just happening.
At 8:13 pm last Saturday, we heard a yelp from our little girl Prynnie. We had just given her a new toy. She was playing, yelped, and quickly sat down. She had an awful look on her face. Then she laid her head down. Her eyes looked funny. We called out her name and her little tail still wagged. Her tail was always wagging.
Her eyes quickly went from bright and happy to dull and lost. She was losing her focus. We called the vet and they said to bring her over, but she was gone before we even reached the vet hospital. It had only been 20 minutes, but it felt like it was hours. When they pronounced her dead, it felt as if a light in my heart went dim. The most regal and prettiest Dalmatians we had ever seen was gone.
I can say that time is slowly healing me. I cry maybe once a day instead of all day. I’ve told that knew her that she was gone. I’ve told everyone else too. As humans, I think we need to hear it said before we even believe it. Our hearts are ache as we tell the story, but we have to tell it. We have to say it, get it out, and move on. Please don’t think this is being harsh, but it is reality. Time does heel us. It just takes time.
Death is a heart-breaker. It truly is. No matter who dies, pet or person, it just breaks our hearts. We have a lifetime of losing those we know and love and it doesn’t get any easier. But we do heal. I can feel that I am healing. Heck, I have a dog here that needs me. Poor Max is still grieving too. He picks up her toy and carries it. He still looks for her to come running out and grab the other end of it. It’s still fresh in his mind too.
These are our children, our pets. Ask anyone you know if they have a pet. Most do. Most love them as if they gave birth to them. They are with us every day and we respond to each other. We feed them, play with them, talk to them. They all respond to us and we always need that.
Admit it, you’ve just got home from a really bad day at the office. Your clothes are disheveled; your hair is almost on end. You smell from sweat and you’re tired. But here comes that dog, all attentive. It doesn’t matter to them what you look like, or smell like. They give us unconditional love with no limits. They have no expectations. This is what having a dog is all about.
I don’t know about you, but I talk to my dogs. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t ask them to make any big decisions on their own, but they are good listeners. Let’s just say I like to keep them involved. I always say “goodbye” when I leave and “hello” when I get home. I tell them I love them every day. Of course there are the belly rubs, pats on the head, and the occasional treat too. They are family too.
It’s been one week. One bizarre week and it’s done. I’ve gone over it hundreds of times in my head asking “what just happened here?” I have no answers. I just know she is in a better place. She is free from collars and leashes. She is running and playing and happy. I know I lived unconditional love.
1 Comment
November 11, 2007 at 4:00 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have three dogs and they are getting on in age, and I am sad to say it’s a part of life we all have to endure.
You are doing the right thing by grieving.